I always questioned the concept that love finds us when we least expect it. But I think the statement intends to say more about our openness to life and what it has for us rather than refusing to think about being in a relationship at all. If you aren’t open to a relationship, you won’t find one, but there may be a level of desperation that could be found on a person looking too hard for a relationship, or constantly looking for the same, incompatible things.
I think as a whole, we stay stuck in the same situations when we continue to repeat the same behavior. If you constantly feel like your life is going nowhere, it’s probably because you haven’t done anything different in a while, even if it’s something as simple as going out to a local karaoke night or trying the new coffee place in town. All it takes is a small change, whether that be an alteration or an addition, to give us a new life experience that changes who we are.
Personally, I have a mixed relationship with change. I like to think of myself as structured chaos, even controlled chaos, and too big a change overwhelms the systems I have in place. (Regardless of how chaotic those systems are, they are systems.) I find social situations draining but love observing them. People watching is one of my favorite past times at airports. Anywhere else however, it is hard to exist in a space meant for gathering while having no one to gather with.
I had to get over my uncomfortableness with eating alone in public a while ago, and I just make sure to bring a book with me. I hide myself even when I’m alone. Behind books, behind my phone, behind a menu I looked at online before coming in so as not to take too long trying to decide once in the restaurant.
It is a difficult task, being confident enough to sit alone in a crowded breakfast place. Lines of people eyeing you and the empty chair across from you, the place setting removed. It is inconsiderate to take a table for yourself, even if there are only tables for two or more. It is seen as rude.
But it also is fair. Why should an individual not be allowed to enjoy a delicious breakfast at a favorite restaurant because they have no one to go with? Why must we wait for someone to be in our life before we’re allowed to take up space in society?
Individuality is bold. It is going against the norm simply because an individual can not be normal. Normal requires more than one. When you are alone, you are distinct. You stand out. You seem untouchable, either from misguided beliefs that you are incredibly awful to be around or you are too stuck up to spend time with anyone.
Someone sitting alone at a restaurant represents the little kid eating by themselves in the cafeteria. The one that was ostracized for one reason or another. They smelt weird. They talked weird. They stuck out too much to be liked, and weren’t good enough (in the eyes of their peers) to be used.
Most people are not eating alone at a restaurant because they have no one that wants to eat with them. But people cast judgement anyway. Who do they think they are, taking up a whole table for themselves? Why didn’t they just take the meal to go eat alone some where else?
Now, maybe the judgmental glances that have been sent my way had nothing to do with sitting alone. Maybe they were judging my hair, or my outfit, or some other arbitrary thing about me. But the point being, more than likely I would not have been noticed if I wasn’t alone. If a friend or relative was sat across from me instead of an empty chair, I would be just any one else.
But if we’re never allowed to take up a place at a table without someone across from us, how are we supposed to meet anyone to go with us? How are we supposed to learn how to interact with other people if we can’t exist in the spaces they interact without already knowing someone?
There are a lot of excuses for waiting for life to happen to you, but nothing will change if you don’t change anything yourself. You won’t find love if you continuously look for it in the same way.